Birthday number 5

On the topic of parenting I feel slightly amateurish. There are times sweet girl, when you say things that give me goosebumps. Words so carefully placed and tenderly spoken that I can’t find words to respond so I just squeeze you tightly. Then, there are the other times. The times when you stand firmly with your hands placed squarely on your hips, lips tightly pursed, wild, wispy hair flailing.. All while vehemently making demands. Those are times when I am also at a loss for words. I’m sure for the first of many times, your fierce independence and strong resolve snuck up on several occasions this past year and punched me in the face, leaving me reeling at both how strong-willed you are and how fast my time with you has flown.

You’ve christened a whole new behavior management plan at home in your time as a 4 year old as well as reinforced a solid understanding amongst family members that it’s imperative we offer bargains to get you to eat your dinner if we wish for a cease-fire. But mostly, on this day especially, you’ve given us another wonderful day in the year to be grateful for. This past year was an interesting one for us. We welcomed your sweet baby sister, and there was a never a quaver in your voice when you told others she was coming. You patiently waited for your big, pregnant mommy to waddle up the stairs at bedtime. You even gave me a lift from behind on a few occasions. You welcomed me home from work each day with a full cup of ice water and even flipped the legs of the recliner up unexpectedly sometimes so I could rest my swollen feet. You sang sweet songs to my belly, read books and talked to her about how much you love her already. There were times when my pregnancy emotions got the best of me and I spent the day apologizing for crying without explanation to which you sweetly replied “It’s ok, mommy. You’re pwegnant.” These memories, even amongst the sea of new memories we will make together, will always be my most treasured.

In your time as a four year old, mommy learned some new things, too. I always thought when the time came for me to become a parent, I would instinctively have it all together. It would come at a time in my life where I was obnoxiously self-assured. I’d be making a substantial amount of money and my house would be organized. I’d have a hefty savings and be very well-read. I became a mom 5 years ago and ever since then life has been the most beautiful firestorm of events, but nothing like I’d planned. I love that I have you as my fearless leader while I navigate my way through the twisty paths to growing a good kid.

Thank you sweet girl for pushing me out of my comfort zone. Thank you for the challenging me daily to check the person I’m becoming. Thank you for testing my resolve by occasionally embarrassing me in public and thank you for keeping me human by giving me the chance to laugh about it now. I’m probably still quite amateur-ish. I’ll probably never be an expert but my biggest hope in the next year is that I make you as proud as you’ve made me.  

You’re one of the most beautiful treasures in my life. Happy 5^th birthday, sweet girl.