Whenever I finish a blog post, I have the option to click "SHARE" in the bottom lefthand corner, alerting my facebook friends. It seems ritual to let the cursor hover over the button for a minute, lingering there until I find the courage to bite my lip, squeeze both eyes shut and click. I never know what is going to come out of the end of my fingertips and I think that true, genuine thoughts can easily be cheapened when we tailor them to suit an audience.
Have you ever been in the midst of one of those moments when you're so overwhelmed with an emotion that your stomach flutters and you wonder if it's possible for the feeling to actually break you? I lifted the Hungry Caterpillar Birthday cake off of the picnic table and slowly made my way towards baby K, who was sitting very patiently, yet very confused in her big girl high chair. I lit the giant, wax number 1 on top of her cake and the crowd around us started singing Happy Birthday. K studied my eyes looking for my reaction to let her know everything was ok. When I smiled back at her she lit up with a toothy grin and clapped her hands. Smack dab in the middle of the chaos, I took a quick second to glance around at the people surrounding her, taking her picture, singing and cheering, and my heart did somersaults. For the few brief seconds that it took to sing that song, there were at least 20 sets of eyes focused on only her, at least 20 people smiling at her and celebrating her birth, celebrating her life. I pray daily, sometimes hourly it seems, that God be gentle with this sweet girl and that He let her feel His love through the warmth and kindness in the people around her. And that on the days when she feels wounded and she can't figure out a way to soothe the pain, her heart can remember all of the people that loved her when she was 1, even when her conscious mind can't.
That day was a precious treasure for me to carry with me also. It's funny how in a brief moment of self-pity you can spout out statements about how uncaring the world is and how "unpeopled" your life is and then suddenly you look down to see your friends around you have created a safety net you didn't even know was being woven. I get so caught up in my own struggle that I didn't realize how many friends of mine have opened their hearts to loving baby K, knowing that they too will have to grieve her loss.. and yet they plow forward with me, head-on, in giving her the best life we can provide. She has knitted us together in such a special way and lifted my little heart :)
